Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Girls just want to have fun...

Three of my close girlfriends have reached that point in their lives now where they are now actively trying for children.  As such we planned one last hurrah.  A girls weekend to Napa :)

As with all good girls weekends, we laughed, we cried, and we drank too much.  Our favorite wineries of the trip were Cranes, Kitchak, and Aonair Wineries.
We discussed fertility and infertility (one girlfriend has completed 5 cycles of Clomid (PCOS) and one is just starting to actively try to conceive).   I was touched when each offered me her eggs (money can't buy friends like these!).  But overall it was a nice escape from the heartache of infertility.

The day after we landed my girlfriend who has completed 5 cycles of Clomid found out she was pregnant.  I couldn't be happy for her (honestly) but I still get sad at the realization that I will never get the 'Pregnant' test without donor eggs. 

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

The end of an era...

I once read a post from a blogger (sorry I forget who!) that really resonated with me.  For the past few weeks I have struggled with WHY having my own genetic child was so important to me.  I realized for me, its not just my genes I wanted to pass on, but those of my parents, my grandparents,  and everyone before me.  Its the one way in which I could keep everyone, even myself, from dying.  Our branch of the tree would continue with my children and their children. 

Last week I was told that the branch would end with me.  My doctor called to tell me I have a weak X chromosome.  My memories may live on in others, but my genetics never will.  I'm devastated.

Edit:  My wording was a poor choice (and so was the doctors) its not Fragile X.  After meeting with a genetic counselor I learned its a deletion of a portion of my second X chromosome.  Its also not Turners.  Its rare enough to not have its own name.  

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Its amazing what a difference

a good doctor can make.  I met with RE #2.  I immediately liked him.  I felt that he actually cared about the 'whole' me and not just the getting me pregnant.  Unlike the previous Dr, he wanted me to get a bone scan to ensure I don't have to much bone loss (a side effect of decreased estrogen).  He is also willing to prescribe HRT (yay!).  He even gave me hope.  In his opinion, the immune system is attacking the maturing follicles.  He theorizes that my odds for getting pregnant may be improved by being on birth control for three months and then heavily monitoring me once I come off to do well timed sex or an IUI.  In theory this would give me one shot at getting pregnant.  Three months is a long time to wait for one shot.  But one is better than none.  I'm still getting a third opinion, but at the end of this month. I now know I will at least have a path forward.