Family, Religion, and Infertility

Since being diagnosed with POF I've been on a roller coaster.  I received the diagnosis call on Christmas Eve.  Here I was surrounded by family during a joyous time of year.  I didn't want to ruin Christmas for everyone else and quite frankly I didn't know how to tell anyone else.  So I did what any well-adjusted adult would do (tongue in cheek), I drank.  Lets just say the details of Christmas Eve past 8pm are a little fuzzy. 


Since then I've had good weeks and bad weeks.  Bad weeks involve a few too many not-so-happy/happy hours and too little time at the gym.  Last week was a very bad week.  I finally summoned the courage to tell my (Catholic) family my diagnosis.  (For those who don't know, the Catholic Church does not condone fertility treatments, much less egg donors).  Fortunately, both my sister and mother have been very supportive and my sister immediately offered her eggs.  She's a doctor, so I know the kid would have great genes!  


My mother relayed the diagnosis onto my father.  My Dad is the 'most catholic' of my immediate family.  (My mother grew up Lutheran, I wouldn't consider myself Catholic, and my sister isn't a practicing Catholic, I suspect she'd consider herself a very liberal Catholic).  My father is the only one I haven't talked to and I keep waiting for him to reach out and tell me I have his support.  I'm starting to think this is one area where I won't have his support.  I'm guessing he'll remain quite on the matter.  I have always had my family’s love and support in everything I've done and its salt in an already open wound that if I peruse this path, I may not have their/his full support.  (If we peruse egg donors I plan on being open about it). 


All of this has opened my eyes to another path, adoption.  My family is VERY supportive of adoption.  As in a large percentage of my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) are adopted.  I spent last week reading the adoption blogs, looking for an answer, how to choose between the adoption and egg donors.  I'm feeling lost.


Today, I am reminding myself that I don't need to make a decision right now.  Today, this week, next week, and the weeks after I’m going to stop focusing so much on the ‘what-if’ my eggs don’t work and start focusing on hope. 

Denial...

Its not just a river in Egypt.  Today we (Aaron and I) had a follow up appt with RE#1 (more stories to come on RE#2 and RE#3).  My initial blood work showed no abnormal signs auto-immune or otherwise.  (Yet somehow she forgot to order a test for Fragile X and adrenal antibodies, WTF?)  We then met with the egg donor coordinator and the finical consultant.  (Finical consultant, that's what they call the poor person who tells you that even selling your kidney will not pay for the upcoming costs you're about to incur.)
None of these meetings surprised me.  Aaron, turns out, has not been living in a state of acceptance but rather one of denial.  I feel like a horrible person because there is a small part of me that is happy to see he is as heartbroken and upset as I am.