Since being diagnosed with POF I've been on a roller coaster. I
received the diagnosis call on Christmas Eve. Here I was surrounded by
family during a joyous time of year. I didn't want to ruin Christmas for
everyone else and quite frankly I didn't know how to tell anyone else. So
I did what any well-adjusted adult would do (tongue in cheek), I drank.
Lets just say the details of Christmas Eve past 8pm are a little fuzzy.
Since then I've had good weeks and bad weeks. Bad weeks involve a few
too many not-so-happy/happy hours and too little time at the gym. Last
week was a very bad week. I finally summoned the courage to tell my
(Catholic) family my diagnosis. (For those who don't know, the Catholic Church
does not condone fertility treatments, much less egg donors).
Fortunately, both my sister and mother have been very supportive and my sister
immediately offered her eggs. She's a doctor, so I know the kid would
have great genes!
My mother relayed the diagnosis onto my father. My Dad is the 'most
catholic' of my immediate family. (My mother grew up Lutheran, I wouldn't
consider myself Catholic, and my sister isn't a practicing Catholic, I suspect
she'd consider herself a very liberal Catholic). My father is the only
one I haven't talked to and I keep waiting for him to reach out and tell me I
have his support. I'm starting to think this is one area where I won't
have his support. I'm guessing he'll remain quite on the matter. I
have always had my family’s love and support in everything I've done and its
salt in an already open wound that if I peruse this path, I may not have
their/his full support. (If we peruse egg donors I plan on being open
about it).
All of this has opened my eyes to another path, adoption. My family is
VERY supportive of adoption. As in a large percentage of my extended
family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) are adopted. I spent last week
reading the adoption blogs, looking for an answer, how to choose between the
adoption and egg donors. I'm feeling lost.
Today, I am reminding myself that I don't need to make a decision right
now. Today, this week, next week, and
the weeks after I’m going to stop focusing so much on the ‘what-if’ my eggs don’t
work and start focusing on hope.
Showing posts with label primary ovarian failure. Show all posts
Showing posts with label primary ovarian failure. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Monday, December 30, 2013
Holy Shit....
I just created a blog with the URL 30 and Menopause. A week ago I would have never have used those words to describe me. Fun, shopaholic, fitness, food, wine, any of those words I could have foreseen. Menopause? No. Yet, here I am. Apparently, post menopausal.
From the beginning. My husband (Aaron) and I started trying 2 years ago (age 28). For the first year I never or rarely had a period. Aaron told me to just relax. My OB said its not uncommon and that I should wait a year before seeing a specialist (blood tests showed nothing unusual). I knew something was wrong, but since I was in the 'not-not trying camp' I didn't feel the need to be proactive. Fast forward a year and I visited my first RE. She told me it could most likely be blamed on my running. I still wasn't 'ready' for a child and I certainly wasn't ready to undergo extensive fertility treatments, so we waited another year. I turned 30. I finally accepted that I'd never be 'ready' and proceeded to my RE, ready to take the plunge this time.
Then Christmas Eve came, four weeks after I first set foot in the RE's office. The diagnosis, premature menopause/primary ovarian failure. I became numb as she spoke. She told me she didn't believe the numbers. I hope she's right but in my heart of hearts I feel like they are correct. The numbers that define me now:
FSH 130.6
LH: 60.2
Estradiol: 10.5
All of these number are in the post menopausal range. They are retesting today and sending blood to two different labs. This morning I noticed a change in procedure, they asked me to verify the label on the vial of blood. Maybe there was a mix up. Maybe. I find out at 3:30 pm today.
EDIT: I should note first, that I am not a great writer. I started this blog as a way for me to sort through my feelings as I proceed through my infertility journey. So far, I've found it to be very therapeutic.
From the beginning. My husband (Aaron) and I started trying 2 years ago (age 28). For the first year I never or rarely had a period. Aaron told me to just relax. My OB said its not uncommon and that I should wait a year before seeing a specialist (blood tests showed nothing unusual). I knew something was wrong, but since I was in the 'not-not trying camp' I didn't feel the need to be proactive. Fast forward a year and I visited my first RE. She told me it could most likely be blamed on my running. I still wasn't 'ready' for a child and I certainly wasn't ready to undergo extensive fertility treatments, so we waited another year. I turned 30. I finally accepted that I'd never be 'ready' and proceeded to my RE, ready to take the plunge this time.
Then Christmas Eve came, four weeks after I first set foot in the RE's office. The diagnosis, premature menopause/primary ovarian failure. I became numb as she spoke. She told me she didn't believe the numbers. I hope she's right but in my heart of hearts I feel like they are correct. The numbers that define me now:
FSH 130.6
LH: 60.2
Estradiol: 10.5
All of these number are in the post menopausal range. They are retesting today and sending blood to two different labs. This morning I noticed a change in procedure, they asked me to verify the label on the vial of blood. Maybe there was a mix up. Maybe. I find out at 3:30 pm today.
EDIT: I should note first, that I am not a great writer. I started this blog as a way for me to sort through my feelings as I proceed through my infertility journey. So far, I've found it to be very therapeutic.
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