Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Trying to find up

Where do I go from here?  One minute I am soaking up blogs like One in Ten Million looking at them for hope and inspiration.  My amazon cart is full of all sorts of natural supplements.   I'm determined to be the 1% who have success with POF.  The next moment I am wiping away tears as I look through egg donor profiles. 
Do I give it an 'honest' try, do I look for a doctor who will allow me to try with my own eggs, do I take the supplements, try the acupuncture, or do I move straight to egg donor?  The ultimate question is how important is having a child with my genetics to me?  I'm not sure it is that important to me, but will I have regrets later?

Monday, December 30, 2013

How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

It was confirmed.  FSH 150.  Donor eggs is my only option.  I'm drunk.  More on the wine later.

Holy Shit....

I just created a blog with the URL 30 and Menopause.  A week ago I would have never have used those words to describe me. Fun, shopaholic, fitness, food, wine, any of those words I could have foreseen.  Menopause?  No.  Yet, here I am.  Apparently, post menopausal.

From the beginning.  My husband (Aaron) and I started trying 2 years ago (age 28).  For the first year I never or rarely had a period.  Aaron told me to just relax.  My OB said its not uncommon and that I should wait a year before seeing a specialist (blood tests showed nothing unusual).  I knew something was wrong, but since I was in the 'not-not trying camp' I didn't feel the need to be proactive.  Fast forward a year and I visited my first RE.  She told me it could most likely be blamed on my running.  I still wasn't 'ready' for a child and I certainly wasn't ready to undergo extensive fertility treatments, so we waited another year.  I turned 30.  I finally accepted that I'd never be 'ready' and proceeded to my RE, ready to take the plunge this time.

Then Christmas Eve came, four weeks after I first set foot in the RE's office.  The diagnosis, premature menopause/primary ovarian failure.  I became numb as she spoke.  She told me she didn't believe the numbers.  I hope she's right but in my heart of hearts I feel like they are correct.  The numbers that define me now:
FSH 130.6
LH: 60.2
Estradiol: 10.5
All of these number are in the post menopausal range.  They are retesting today and sending blood to two different labs.   This morning I noticed a change in procedure, they asked me to verify the label on the vial of blood.  Maybe there was a mix up.  Maybe.  I find out at 3:30 pm today.

EDIT:  I should note first, that I am not a great writer.  I started this blog as a way for me to sort through my feelings as I proceed through my infertility journey.  So far, I've found it to be very therapeutic.