Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Infertility is the new 'Do I look fat'

What know one tells you is that infertility is hard on a marriage

Infertility is hard because no matter the diagnosis, both parties are hurting, both parties are looking for a rock, looking for reassurance, looking for hope.  Both parties imagined having a child with their partner, his good looks and her eyes, etc.  I have to remind myself of this constantly.  I'm losing the dream of a genetic child, but he's also losing his dream of a daughter like me.

We are both grieving and at different stages, its hard.  I'm still in the denial/bargaining stages (more on that later) and but he's more at the acceptance stage.  He's completely understanding of my feelings and my need to grieve longer, but its still hard.  I want him to be right beside me in the bargaining stages.  I want him to tell me its going to be 'ok' that my body will suddenly start working again if I jump through all these hoops.  But he's practical and accepting of the diagnosis, so he won't. Instead he tells me he understands my need to jump through all these hoops (diets, pills, acupuncture, etc).  Some days I wish he would just fart unicorns and rainbow for me....

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