Since being diagnosed with POF I've been on a roller coaster. I received the diagnosis call on Christmas Eve. Here I was surrounded by family during a joyous time of year. I didn't want to ruin Christmas for everyone else and quite frankly I didn't know how to tell anyone else. So I did what any well-adjusted adult would do (tongue in cheek), I drank. Lets just say the details of Christmas Eve past 8pm are a little fuzzy.
Since then I've had good weeks and bad weeks. Bad weeks involve a few
too many not-so-happy/happy hours and too little time at the gym. Last
week was a very bad week. I finally summoned the courage to tell my
(Catholic) family my diagnosis. (For those who don't know, the Catholic Church
does not condone fertility treatments, much less egg donors).
Fortunately, both my sister and mother have been very supportive and my sister
immediately offered her eggs. She's a doctor, so I know the kid would
have great genes!
My mother relayed the diagnosis onto my father. My Dad is the 'most
catholic' of my immediate family. (My mother grew up Lutheran, I wouldn't
consider myself Catholic, and my sister isn't a practicing Catholic, I suspect
she'd consider herself a very liberal Catholic). My father is the only
one I haven't talked to and I keep waiting for him to reach out and tell me I
have his support. I'm starting to think this is one area where I won't
have his support. I'm guessing he'll remain quite on the matter. I
have always had my family’s love and support in everything I've done and its
salt in an already open wound that if I peruse this path, I may not have
their/his full support. (If we peruse egg donors I plan on being open
All of this has opened my eyes to another path, adoption. My family is
VERY supportive of adoption. As in a large percentage of my extended
family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) are adopted. I spent last week
reading the adoption blogs, looking for an answer, how to choose between the
adoption and egg donors. I'm feeling lost.
Today, I am reminding myself that I don't need to make a decision right
now. Today, this week, next week, and
the weeks after I’m going to stop focusing so much on the ‘what-if’ my eggs don’t
work and start focusing on hope.